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SecretiveSuicide – Music is nostalgia for me

A producer who creates with the biggest rappers in Poland, but only this year he found himself in a professional recording studio for the first time. As he claims, he draws inspiration primarily from computer games, and he became interested in playing any instrument only a year ago. We invite you to an interview with SecretiveSuicide.

I know that you had the demo of the first DAW on the CD attached to the newspaper. Where does your attraction to music come from?

It’s hard to say, I don’t know if I remember this time correctly, because it could have been almost 20 years ago. Back in the old days, when I didn’t have a computer, I often listened to the radio. Someone once brought home a cassette of trance music from the 90s and 00s. I was an only child for a long time, so the radio and this one cassette were the only option to spend time not in silence. Years later, I managed to find some of the songs from this playlist, and I think I know why the music. Music is nostalgia for me.

Did your parents try to guide and/or support you in your passion?

Actually, no. My mother has always taken care of the house, and my father worked for our living. Rather, they slept through the moment when it was worth getting interested. I also encountered a rather off-putting attitude. From the beginning, no one took it seriously. Of course, the beginnings were not spectacular either. I wasn’t born with any particular musical talent, so maybe that’s why their approach wasn’t specific. There were times when they showed little interest, and sometimes I even had the impression that they didn’t want me to do it full-time.

But you went into music anyway. Have you ever had an interest in playing an instrument while producing music?

Of course, the teaser appeared, but quite late, because I started thinking about it about a year ago. I would really like to be able to play an instrument, especially a stringed one. Unfortunately, my manual skills are quite limited. There is no point in fooling yourself, any excuse is good. 🙂 For now, all I can do is play on the MIDI keyboard I bought last year. Do I play it? I wouldn’t call it gaming, but it’s enough for my needs. In fact, I typed most of the melodies of my productions on the laptop keyboard.

And where do you get your inspiration from? Are you listening to a specific scene?

I draw inspiration mainly from everything that is not music itself. Movies, books or games. Especially games, actually. If I’m not playing, I’m making a lot less music. I actually only play single-player games, so I don’t necessarily fit the stereotype of a typical gamer. In terms of following the scene, I’m currently really into stuff from France, the UK and Germany. I also once had a small fascination with things from the East. But just listening to specific scenes is rather a small teaser due to the language barrier.

Apart from spending hundreds of hours in DAW, did you complete any music studies to better understand the theory?

School didn’t encourage me since I was a child, so I didn’t take advantage of it in this case either. I learned everything on my own. Unfortunately, I feel it over time, so now I’m trying to catch up on some theory. It is obvious that not every knowledge is so necessary when producing music, but it is worth developing, so it is nice to take care of at least the basic knowledge.

How do you deal with lack of inspiration?

Honestly… I don’t think it’s been a long time since I sat down for a session and couldn’t think of anything. For me, every loop, every idea counts, I write down practically everything. Sometimes I come back to something fresh and have something in my mind that I didn’t have the first time. Still, I think what mattered most about it was the number of hours I put into it. If I were to give you any advice on this topic, I think that taking care of your mind is the basis, as well as trying to find the problem. When I was just starting to produce music, I often had no inspiration due to problems with concentration.

Jumping around topics a bit, let me ask you what do you remember about the production of Kukon’s “Radio Taxi” album?

The album with Kukon was actually created a bit by accident. When I was working on the album, my music only appeared on SoundCloud and there were maybe two songs. I think situations like this rarely happen. When it comes to the production style and general sound, it is rather my idea and what was in my mind at the time. Kuba gave me a free hand on this topic, because we didn’t have any specific assumptions about what this album should sound like. I simply sent the productions, Kuba chose what he was most excited about and finally, after a month or two, we had material for the entire album. So many years have passed that I can actually reveal the fact that “Radio Taxi” is actually partly a bootleg. I chose some songs from the vocal package he sent me, and then I made completely new arrangements for them than they were initially.

Do you remember the moment when a number in your production achieved commercial success for the first time? How did you feel then?

When I started, I was impatiently waiting for this moment. I manifested it every day. Every production that played in my small speakers, I imagined how it would sound on stage. The funniest thing is that I slept through this moment. After a few months, someone pointed out to me that something of mine had really achieved commercial success. Of course, it happened several times and it’s a nice feeling, but there is no better feeling than the one that occurs during the premiere of the song I produced. I make music mainly for myself, but it always excites me that what played mainly only in my headphones will suddenly play in several others. On a daily basis, however, I try to enjoy the journey rather than the “achievements”.

What do your collaborations usually look like? Do you work with the singer in the studio or do you send him the beat?

It’s split a bit these days. Let’s say these are three completely different approaches. Still, most of the songs that come out involve sending a beat that is based solely on my idea. The second option is production based on a specific artist’s idea, also in my privacy. The third option that I have been using for some time is creating together. Let’s say we meet at my apartment, I start an idea and look at the reaction of the person who is going to put vocals on it, and I move on accordingly. I would like to develop in this direction because I always knew that I would want to work for others. As for the studio, it’s new to me. I was in a recording studio for the first time in August this year. So far, the concept of “studio” has been quite variable for me, not necessarily meaning a place with dozens of gold records on the walls. Until now, such a place for me was a tiny room, completely unsuitable for “professional” work.

Well, one more question at the end. What is your biggest dream currently?

When it comes to music, I would like to produce a soundtrack for anything: a film, a TV series or a game. I keep thinking about this topic, I feel like I’m getting closer, but it’s still an unfulfilled dream. And privately, it’s just some real estate/piece of land to own.

IG: @secretivesuicide

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